Hemorrhoid Banding - My recovery

Yes, they lied.

They claimed to have banded my hemorrhoids.  But, unbeknownst to me, the doctors had inserted a weasel into my sphincter.  The weasel had sharp teeth, diamond tipped talons and shredded glass for fur.

Some discomfort until the end of the day.  Ya, maybe.  But you will also feel:

• An uncontrollable urge to pee/poo - not just every once in a while.  But constantly
• A stuffed feeling in your stomach/nether regions
• Pain around your anus.  Not small.  Sharp.  Like no sleep sharp.
• Not being able to pee, even though you think you need to

And it isn't just a day.  It is now 4 days.  And you begin to dread, DREAD, DREAD the prospect of a bowel movement.  How is that going to work?  You are not allowed to push.  And the first time you go nothing will come out.  Perhaps some gas, maybe some squirrel niblets.  And you may get some relief.  But that relief will be short-lived as the pain and tightness will return as finish.  Especially if your bowels are now full and your parts can't retreat.  That really sucks.

Picture yourself on the toilet.  In some pain and knowing what pain you will be in if you linger.  Knowing that you HAVE TO GO and feeling the pressure you will start to sweat.  Physically - you will sweat....If stuff actually start - When should you stop yourself?  It feels good to continue but you know that this will bring pain later.

My recommendations:

1. If your doctor tells you this is a day thing - ask them if you an call them if it bothers you in the early AM after the end of the day.  Get their cell number.  Get their address.  You won't be able to go by but maybe some day you will be able to share your experience.  Sure, some people get this done and it is easy.  You may even be one of those.  If you are I hate you.
2. Drugs.  Ya, Tylenol sounds good.  But, Tylenol ain't going to feed the weasel.  I am talking knock you on your ass type of shit.  Not aspirin because that can make you a bleeder but get industrial grade shit.  Valium, crack, LSD - something that is going to take the edge off.  If the doctor tells you that you won't need it - ask them if you can hold their genitals in your hands and squeeze if it does.  Better safe than sorry.

I am now on day 4,  Still discomfort.  I have one good BM (and paid for it) but I feel I am getting better every day.  They say day 7-10 and the banded piece falls off.  I hope that this means everything will then fit back in and reduce my pain.  But, a one-day thing???  Nonsense.